boheas

Все мы раньше были родом из комсомола. Плыла один раз представительная
комсомольская делегация из Владивостока встречаться с прогрессивной
молодежью Японии. Во время перехода, ясное дело, внимательно изучали
первоисточники. По приезду в отель один комсомолец весом так 150-160 кг,
не доверяя японским стандартам в области гигиены, уселся на их
узкоглазый унитазищко гордо. По-орлиному. Жалкая конструкция не
выдержала и трагическим образом распорола комсомольцу задницу.
Потребовалось пять японских бригад скорой помощи -15 человек чтобы
донести носилки с больным до вертолета.

CORPSE: Сегодня зашёл в компьютерный магазин. Предложили приобрести в качестве подарка девушке на новый год юсб-хаб в виде медведя. Представил, как беру их парочку, приношу на работу и втыкаю в стоечный сервер. Картина Репина - "Мишки на сервере"...

Dem Fehler folgt die Scham;
doch stets sei die Beschämung
der Bessrung Morgenrot,
nicht heitern Mutes Lähmung.

Autor: Quelle: J.A. Seufferts Gnomen,
im Erlanger Musen-Almanach, 1838

Kategoria: Смешные фразы

Мне нужен только один мужчина, но он уже занят. Не мной. Давно. Сволочь.

Wchodź w siebie bez pukania.
(Stanisław Jerzy Lec)

Świat bez słów wyglądałby inaczej.
(Markus Zusak)

Wykształcenie; odsłania przed mądrymi a ukrywa przed głupimi niedoskonałości ich rozumu.

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.

n

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

n

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for
it."

n

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay
me $25."

n

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before
going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet
again in the same line.

n

Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

n

Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

Kategoria: Водка

Водка пьет людей до дна.

Autor: Рышард Мотас

Ważne jest w życiu by wiedzieć kiedy skorzystać z okazji, ale nie mniej ważne wiedzieć – kiedy nie należy z niej korzystać.
(Benjamin Disraeli)

kara:dzwoniła moja siostra i prosiła żebym jej wzięła parę rzeczy do tej Anglii
maja:np. co?
kara:2 flaszki wódki, modelinę, 4 kartony papierosów, tabletki antykoncepcyjne i kilka pudełek aspiryny
maja:modelinę?

Kiedyś miłość bliźniego wyrażała się w poleceniu, ,nie będziesz zabijał nieprzyjaciół”. A teraz do tego przykazania doszło nowe, ,będziesz rozumiał nieprzyjaciół”. Musisz rozumieć bo nieprzyjaciel ma ci bardzo dużo do powiedzenia o tobie samym, o twojej własnej sytuacji.
(ks. Józef Stanisław Tischner)

Nooo Spiiier...Nooo Spppier....noo Idż z tąd....

<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate
<BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house
<BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs
<BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later
<BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off
<BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off
<BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off
<BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads
<BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie
<BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu
<BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again
<BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie
<BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks
<BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time
<BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that
<BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off
<BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on

A co by było, gdyby Bóg z żebra Adama zrobił drugiego Adama.
(Stanisław Jerzy Lec)